New Grad Blues

I have three days off. 

Yahoo! 

So... sometimes I feel like I really suck at my job. 

I felt reaaaaallllllly bad for the night nurse

who took my group last night because I missed

orders, didn't get a chance to empty all my 

surgical drains, 

forgot to change IV tubing, and had a patient 

with an extremely high blood sugar and didn't give him

his insulin right away because I was waiting

on a resident to put in orders (I really should have just given

the already ordered insulin). 

Today went so much smoother... I'm not sure what 

happened yesterday; I had a patient whose room

I just couldn't get out of plus discharges and transfers.

Not anything out of the ordinary, but still... just weird. 

I wanted to cry in the bathroom. 

"Dear Kevin... I am sorry I am incompetent and that

you probably had a very hellacious night because 

I forgot a lot of things. If you forgive me, I'll leave my blinds 

open all weekend" 

Don't ask about that last part. 

Anyway. I felt extremely stupid. 

I am so exhausted from working as a nurse

plus all the things I have had to take care of 

since my dad died. 

I am so overwhelmed. 

I have heard it's normal for new nurses to get the blues

while adjusting to their job. 

I think I am doing fairly okay... day shift is just so busy and 

I have so many people pulling me in so many directions 

that it makes my head spin. 

Then I come home and my head spins even more

because I am still depressed over my dad's death

and I worry about the business plus I have my 

own life (or lack thereof?) to think about. 

Oh well... life moves on. It always works out some way or another. 

A year ago I couldn't see my way clear and had no 

idea how to live without my dad in my life. 

And here I am. 

Living and shit. 

Things will get better. The company will take care of itself. 

Someday I will not feel like an idiot everyday at work. 

Time for bed. I am cranky and want to be in stretchy pants. 

Oh... P.S.: I had a patient (who was very cantankerous and demented)

ask if I was pregnant or recently so. She also asked if the night nurse

or the tech (both men who have the same name) knocked me up. 

Maybe not so many lattes at work. 

Diet time?