Just today...

Today I got put on call. 

A blessing in disguise, because I woke up with

my back aching worse than it has been for

the past week.

I would really like to go hiking in Sedona (where I took the above photo...

Indian Paintbrush is my favorite wildflower), but 

I don't think my back is up to it. 

I am glad I'm home because a lot has been on my mind. 

I'm feeling un-sociable. 

I have been thinking about the past year and how my whole

life has changed. 

I think about my dad. I think about my job as a new nurse. I think

about the people whose friendships I lost

because I was a person changed by events in my life...

people who were too inconsiderate to see what I was going through.  

I think about the kindness from people who hardly

know me. 

Lots of change, some of it good and some of it bad. 

The most important thing is that I am letting go of the things in my life that no longer serve

me. 

The tears, they keep a fallin'

My tears they keep a fallin' 

Bad things from the past keep on calling

Because all I can think about is you... 

Hmmm. It's been a couple years and a hundred drunken nights

 since I've penned down

a song or even really played my guitar and sang a tune or two. 

Even now, there are just some things my heart isn't in. 

Today wasn't a horrible day. 

I slept a lot (which in my world is NEVER a bad thing) and 

then had Mexican food and watched a movie with 

some of my girlfriends/cousins in law. 

But tonight, my mind won't stop turning and my eyes won't stop leaking. 

I've been listening to old western songs and thinking about my dad. 

The music conveys the feelings in my heart so accurately. 

I miss him terribly. 

Recently I wrote a post in memoriam about my dad; and while I have made progress

on being in a healthier place, it's still never easy. 

Peace of mind is a hard thing to come by... luckily I don't have these

emotional upheavals every night like previously. 

There is something fortunate in that. 

Tonight my thoughts simply dwell on the fact that I just really miss my dad. 

I wish he was here... there is so much in my life he is missing and so

much he will never be here for. 

I don't mean the big life events... like grandchildren or me graduating, those kind of things. 

For me it's the little stuff. 

Like hearing an Emmylou Harris song and thinking it's the most fabulous thing my ears have ever 

heard, and then making my dad listen to a mixtape of all of her songs. 

 Or just coming into my old home and seeing my dad there 

and hearing him call me 'Vern' (a long story... please tell me you've 

watched an Ernest P Worrell flick?).

Today I wished I could have just drove out to my parents just to sit

on the couch and hear him talk. 

Those are the kinds of memories my heart holds onto. 

Instead I listened to a voice message I saved on my cell of 

my dad telling me Happy Birthday two Decembers ago. 

I'm not sure that was necessarily a great idea. 

Not really a bad one though either. 

I'm at a loss. 

I don't know what to do to make myself feel better except keep 

keep living. Some days I feel like I am just shuffling through life

waiting for things to return to normal. 

And I realize that my life isn't going back to the way it was.
I don't have that normal anymore.  
In spite of that, I am slowly starting to enjoy things
in my life again. 
That is the biggest triumph for me
through all this; that I can live. 
And enjoy it. 

Yum Yum!

Yesterday I cruised down to Phoenix to do some importante estudiante things. 

It was a good opportunity to check out a couple local

boutiques, get cupcakes, and see friends. 

Off of Camelback there is an absolutely adorable boutique called 

Frances that has some serious cute threads and home stuff. 

I wish I could have taken the whole store home. 

I've heard people compare it to Anthropologie... which I love that store, but

Frances definitely has more personal charm and some unique and one of a kind

things you won't find in any place. 

I myself got some earrings, a couple tops, headbands, a spoon ring, and some 

other knick knacks. This store may be my new favorite stop in Phoenix. 

To see Frances' website, click here

The owner of Frances also owns Smeeks... which is a candy shop

in Biltmore Fashion Park... also a recommended stop. Especially if you have kids! 

Next door to Frances is also Stinkweeds... a vinyl record store. I didn't have time to look around 

much, but I did snag a vinyl album that looked interesting. 

A cool place with some interesting records. 

After indulging in too many purchases, I headed to Sprinkles to get some cuppycakes for

me and my amigo Robyn (red velvet for us, gluten free for her!)

I completely unashamed to say I ate three in one sitting. 

After that, we attempted to help a mutual friend think of songs

to go with a slide show he was making for 

a memorial service. 

I have decided I will make my own playlist for my funeral after last night... kinda morbid I know.

But suggestions from Willie Nelson to 50 cent were running rampant. 

I don't want to put the stress of guessing what music I liked on my friends. 

Plus I will haunt the person that puts 'Candy Shop' on my playlist. 

I'm off to spend the day in an MRI machine. 

Wish me luck! Back to work on Monday! 

Antlers and a Note about St. Andrews

I broke down yesterday and took a percocet

and a muscle relaxer

because my back was spasming

like crazy. 

An hour later I snapped this

photo of myself. 

If you didn't know this about me, 

I am a hunter, 

hence

the antlers in my 

living room which are perfect

for drug-induced photo opportunities. 

Too bad the wapiti gods didn't 

smile on me and grant

me a tag this year. 

But enough of me. I have something special I want to share. 

Around this time last year, my 

friend Amy and I had an 

amazing chance to 

volunteer at the St. Andrews

Children's Clinic which

in located in Nogales, AZ. 

This clinic operates the 

first Thursday of every month

to provide healthcare services to children in

Northern Mexico. The patients come by bus

over the border to the church which is transformed

into a mini hospital for the day. 

This clinic also provides orthopedic and cleft palate

surgeries to patients who are flown 

to various hospitals for these 

procedures. 

Simply amazing. 

This clinic gives children a chance to 

rehabilitate and receive care that

is hard to come by in their 

home towns. 

The Arizona Student Nurse's Assoc. continues to 

be involved in this amazing clinic...

as a student nurse, it really opened my

eyes. I walked away very

humble and grateful for the things

I have been blessed with. 

Having stayed in Sonora as an 

exchange student when I was a grade-schooler, 

I can verify that access to healthcare

services is extremely slim. 

Many people argue that we should

not provide this free service to 

people who don't even live in our country. 

I say SCREW those people. 

By Christ's word, we are to love our neighbors, 

love one another. 

That love does not and should not only extend

to those in the continental US. 

We should have compassion for all of our fellow 

human beings. 

Compassion is hard to come by these days. 

Our group of nursing students to volunteered last summer

For more information about the clinic and 

what you can do to help, click here.

Consider what you can do to ease another person's suffering. 

While down in the very southern part of the state,

Amy and I decided to 

take advantage of a friend's offer

to trail ride though Benson. 

My view from the back of a cute little roan mare

Amy on her caballo

After the clinic, we decided to 

stop by one of the old Spanish Missions

founded by Father Kino. 

This one is called Tumacacori. 

It was so beautiful... have I mentioned

I love places with a past? 

I do. 

Go by and see it if you ever go south 

enough in Arizona where the

mileage signs start measuring by

kilometers :)

Now time to ice my back. 

Bor-iiiiiiiiiing

I am so bored. 

It is only Tuesday. 

I have off work until next Monday. 

I hate my pinche knee and back. 

There are only so many Disney movies and 

books a girl can read. 

So here I am, just hanging out

in my stretchy pants

and sweatshirt. 

I wish I was at work. 

Even if I had mean-ies for patients... 

or ones with AMS, 

I would rather be doing that. 

Seriously, I would. 

However, since I am stuck at

home I decided 

to try making a latte

with my espresso maker

and milk frother. 

It tasted pretty good... 

but I like the coffee from Crema 

better :) 

I decided not to take any pain meds today... they make me 

sloppy and tired. Yesterday

I felt like all I did was sleep. 

I'd rather be cruising the highways

than sitting here sleepy

and drugged. 

I realize I am whining... tremendously. 

There are defintiely worse things to happen to a human being. 

Have a blessed Tuesday :)

The things I put on my FACE.

While I am being a cripple at home, 

decided to whip up a home-made facial. 

Because lets face it... staying home as a working

adult is not nearly as fun 

as it is when you are a grade-schooler. 

I've watched every Disney movie I possess. 

So hence, the facial experiment. Which worked quite nice actually. 

I used my ceramic juicer and juiced half a lemon, then

warmed a spoonful of raw honey in the microwave

for 30 seconds, then whisked the

two together with a pinch of baking soda. 

I slathered the mixture all over and then placed a

warm towel over my face. I waited for about 

20 minutes and rinsed with warm water.... 

Viola! 

Smoooooooooooooth skin. 

The next day, the lemon juice had 

helped dry some of my breakouts I noticed. 

(I get horrible breakouts... perfect skin during

my awkward teenage years when

I didn't do my

makeup so well. What gives?!)

I'd recommend giving it a try if you want some smoother skin and

like me, you are bored. 

Lemon juice is an acid, so it will naturally

exfoliate your skin by removing a layer or two 

of your epidermis. 

Honey is also a great moisturizer and does have 

antimicrobial properties (one of my 

nursing history books talks about how

good ole' honey was a classic

remedy before lovely penicillin came along). 

Maybe tomorrow I will think of a home remedy to 

fix my aching knee and back so 

I can return to work. I don't know how

I'll last till next Monday. 

Being Clumsy is NOT Endearing

Well... today did NOT go how I expected. 

Due to my own clumsiness and a cursed garden hose, 

I am currently sitting on my couch 

watching Boondock Saints with a herniated disc

in my back and a now-fixed dislocated patella. 

Right now I am feeling a little wierd and nauseated from the pain meds. 

And a little itchy. 

Not an allergic reaction, just

a little sensitive to the narcs I think, since I've hardly

ever taken them. 

So now I get to sit at home, studying cardiac stuff with

some biofreeze and a fashionable leg brace on... which I get to wear for a few weeks. 

I never understood why my patients hate these braces... 

now I know. 

 I missed work today... which I was upset about because

my charge nurses didn't get notified I wasn't coming in.

 I got home I saw all their missed calls

wondering where the heck I was.

I felt terrible... I can only imagine what a mess that was :( 

Ah well... life goes on. 

The only thing that really brightened my day was while

under the influence of my pain meds I found this gem.... 

I laughed so hard (the last photo kills me)... then sent this picture to my friend Robyn. 

We then proceeded to try our best Kermy faces. 

 Robyn's Kermy Face

My Kermy Face

I think she won.